My dearest Liam:
by the time you read this, you may not remember today. The last couple of days have been interesting and I just want to share with you how proud I am of your behavior and of you as a person.
Today you and I went to the doctor's to get your ear tube extracted from your left inner ear. It had come loose over time and had forced it's way out of the skin in your ear.
For the last two weeks we have been giving you drops in your ears to help remove crust and obstructions from around the tube. Yeah, gross I know. I looked at some of it. It was nasty, but I guess I've seen worse.
We got to the doctor's office and waited our turn to go in. You played with the toys in the waiting room. I knew this wasn't going to be easy based on how the drops had gone. I had NO idea HOW bad.
The doctor's first attempt to take out the tube didn't go so great. He looked at your ear first to see if all the gunk had cleared. The good news is your Eustachian tube was working well. Don't know what a Eustachia n tube is? Google it, or whatever it is you do now to find information. That's what we did. Or, come find me and ask.
The tube was still sticking out of the middle ear canal. He could see it just dangling there. He did a sonar check and the hole where the tube USED to be was closed. Don't ask me how the tube was still hanging out in there. I'll have to ask the doc on our next appointment.
So back to the first attempt. You flinched every time the doctor came near you. I don't blame you really. I was trying to hold your head and hands but you're pretty strong and it was dangerous to have you move. When he touched your ear, you screamed, seemingly in great pain. I let you sit up away from the doctor and held you while you cried. I tried to tell you it was going to be alright. You weren't having it.
We tried again. You were hysterical. We began telling you that once the tube came out the tube fairy would come tonight and leave you some money. Oh yes, bribes were used. I felt such pain for you.
This went on for about 10-15 minutes. We went into another room where you could lay prone on an examination table. Same result. The doctor said he couldn't do it and I was glad because in my next breath I was going to say "Stop this. Something is making him afraid or is painful and i'm not going to force him. "
The doctor advised we let it fall out on its own and keep a close eye on it.
You and I left the office, got our coats on, and you sidetracked off back into the doctor's play area, playing games and fooling around with toys.
"I don't want to school Daddy." you said to me.
I replied, "Well, if you're going to stay in the doctor's office all day, I'm going to have to ask the doctor to take another crack at your ear," thinking this would motivate you to get your gloves on and get out the door to school.
You surprised me when you said, "Okay, let's try again." You had just screamed bloody murder for 15 minutes and now you wanted to go back. Was it the promise of the tube fairy? I don't think so. I think you wanted to challenge yourself-and you did.
I asked the doctor to try again and he agreed. I honestly was expecting the same thing-more screaming. More head and neck twisting. You flinched a little, but you were able to stay still long enough for the doctor to grab the tube with his little pincer tube thingy. You were so excited to see the tube. I have to admit it was kind of interesting.
I was so proud of you for trying again. I don't know if you felt a lot of pain-it sure LOOKED like it, or it was fear, or pressure, or what, but you FACED that fear and did it. I was so proud of you. I was relieved we wouldn't have to worry about the tube possibly falling into the ear rather than out. I didn't want you to have to go to the hospital again. You have been too many times already.
You showed me something today. You are five years old and you reminded me that we don't always get things on the first try. It is very powerful to face our fears and challenges and keep trying even if we hit painful hurdles.
I love you buddy. I'm sorry you had to go through that today, but I was glad we were together.
Your loving Dad
5 comments:
Your letter touched me, seems like ages ago, but then only yesterday when my grown sons were 5. Thank you Liam for teaching me by your courage. I hope the tube fairy left you a wonderful surprise.
This totally made me cry.
Thank you Margaret, Dena. I was a teaching moment for both of us and I didn't want to forget it. It was hard as a parent-i'm sure hard for him as a little kid, but he did it. The "tube fairy" left him $3 and then he lost his first tooth 2 days later, earning him another $5. Kid is making bank!
That's such a great open letter! One day, when he's old enough to read this, I hope he is reminded of all the courage that has been embedded in him since he was a child. Thanks so much for sharing.
Very touching. Very sweet. Thanks for sharing!
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